thehappycat.net

Current Mood: Sad

I can listen to this for hours now… for years now. It’s the song that basically explains everything I feel inside whether I’m happy, sad, or something in between.

Right now I am sad.

I’ve hit a run of disappointing people (of the male sort) since being in San Diego. I’ve just never encountered anything like it elsewhere. And I’m not the only one (luckily?) experiencing this. I just don’t understand.

• People who have tried to cheat on their girlfriends with me and who thought by being straight up with their intentions I’d be more willing…does that really work on anyone?…
• People who’ve stood me up multiple times just to give the excuse that they “suck at life”.
• People who constantly cancel on me then send me a message basically stating that they sicken themselves but that they are unwilling to make a commitment for a date but are fine with just hooking up… (I actually appreciated the fact he realized he’s a pig and thanked him for the message… what’s funny is I was never looking for a date, just someone to grab food with once and awhile).
• And now people who for 1.5 months seem to make such a significant effort and have mutually had nice times in that while… just to one day never call back.

That last one is the most confusing. Last conversation was basically telling me what a sweetheart I am and some flirty banter… I almost hope he is incapacitated in some sorts just because I don’t want my image of what I thought he was to be crushed… At this point that possibility is dwindling and unfortunately another disappointment is lingering around the corner. I’ve learned it’s not worth bugging for a response and gave up after trying to contact him after 2x since I am jaded and in the depths of my mind figured this would happen. We actually had a conversation about this very stuff one night and I thought we were on the same page. I made the mistake of holding him to a higher standard I guess because of his career.

The way people come in and out of lives is interesting. I had a friend several months back telling me about his ex-girlfriend he lived with. They dated for nearly 2 years, lived together for at least a year. He goes out of the country for like 2 months only to come back to find her moved hours away. No inkling there was an issue apparently. He thought they were on the path to get married. We’re not friend anymore, I guess I slipped out thru his MySpace friends (after he said something that frustrated me) nearly the same way she slipped out of their house. Someone I talked with nearly daily now barely gets a thought.

I think about this a lot. Even when I drive to work. I have 3 cars I see almost every morning drive. When I don’t see them I notice and wonder if I’ll ever see them again. Not that it matters really, I will never meet these people. They are just cars I see on my way to work. But I notice their existence as a common occurrence in my life. I kinda wonder if they notice me.

I was planning on going to a BBQ tomorrow and while I should go I think I just don’t feel it now. Unfortunate since they are all very nice people but my social mingling desires have been a bit squashed by this.

I’ve signed up for a cake decorating course. I’m very excited to start this. The thing I really want however is a house tho. A house with a large-ish kitchen and the space to have a puppy. At this point I have enough saved up for a 25% down payment on the price range I’m looking at. Even with that tho it’s hard to find something without insane HOA and Mela-roose additions.

I’m looking forward to getting in bed. I wanted to make fondant tonight but I have a headache. So now it’s time to go put on my headphones, listen to my favorite song, and fall asleep.